The first kiss when you’re a senior citizen. Wow! Nervous, right?
The anticipation can be even more unnerving than when you were a kid.
Sweaty palms, racing heart, maybe shaking hands…. All wonderful things. So human. So magical. Even at 60 or 70 or 80.
But, what is the the right time for the first kiss?
And, does every date require a kiss?
You met someone nice online. Or, in the market. Or, playing softball, or bingo. It doesn’t matter where. You hit it off with each other. You both want to get together again. And, now you have a date.
The nerves begin.
You’ve picked a great theme for your date. You’re groomed and ready to go. So far so good.
….The date is going well. Should you kiss or not?
No. Not on the first date.
Wait. Until further down the road. When (and “if”) you have a real connection. It will come naturally.
The first kiss, too soon, can make both of you very nervous and uncomfortable. And, the first kiss too soon, can easily ruin the possibility of an otherwise great future relationship.
The fact of the matter (this “fact” we got from our senior dating survey) for seniors is:
“Kissing on the first date is usually uncomfortable and very awkward.” (163 out of our 211 surveyed seniors said this).
They went on to say, “A kiss too soon had made many dates too uncomfortable and ruined the possibility of future dates with the same person."
Just DON’T DO IT. On the first date.
If you go into the first dates knowing you’re not going to kiss, there are many wonderful benefits. These include:
Just as the first kiss can greatly enhance and bond a connection. The first kiss, too early on, can ruin whatever delicate chemistry and connection that was building.
So, when is the right moment for the first kiss?
You must also realize:
Some relationships, especially for us seniors, are better left as new friendships. Or, even just a one time meeting. That’s really no different than any other time in our life.
Forcing the first kiss is always going to have very unfavorable results (for both of you).
Remember: You’re not obligated to kiss because you are on a date.
So, how do you know when, and if, there will be a first kiss?
You just know.
If you don’t know, don’t do it.
You know because you both feel comfortable. You feel a close connection. AND, men: the lady is being very available.
Guys Remember: When the time is right, the man almost always should take the lead here. But, ladies, the woman is allowed to if he is just being too unreasonably slow.
The one exception to this rule is: a kiss on the cheek when saying “goodnight” from the lady to the man, if she really likes him and wants to let him know it.
Men, you don’t have this option. It’s just not good etiquette. She doesn’t need an invitation. You do. But, you may reach out your hand to shake hands, hold on to her hand for a moment, and smile. That lets her know.
Even if the time is right, it’s not always easy for a man, who hasn’t dates for 20, 30, or 40 years, to break the invisible barrier to first intimate physical contact.
So, if after some time together, you find yourself very much looking forward to the first kiss, and she seems ready, but, you are feeling too shy, or, unsure, the best way to come through the invisible physical barrier is to gently reach over and hold her hand as you are walking somewhere.
Again, NOT on the first date. Take things slowly. Have at least 2 or 3 dates first. Then, if holding hands works nicely, you can be sure the first kiss is right around the corner.
One of the real beauties of relationships for seniors is we want to connect with a person meaningfully. On an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level. We want to bond as people. It’s not about sex.
Lovers…. we’ve been there. If it happens great. If not, it’s usually not really important anymore. Affection, caring, closeness, laughter…. become far more important as we grow older.
BUT, the kiss? It never loses it’s magic. Or, it’s value. Or, the message that “You are special”.
And, the first kiss is always remembered.
No, we’re not going to be making out all night on a park bench. That’s for the very young. And, for the very young it is most wonderful.
No. We need and want more than that now. Am I right? We want a whole person. And, learning about a person takes some time. How much time? It’s different for everyone. Don’t feel like you’re taking too long.
If you take the time to spend time getting to really know each other, the first kiss will come very naturally. Very easily. And, with all the magic that the first kiss should have.
Or, it will not come at all.
No matter what, #1 in importance is:
Don’t rush the first kiss. Let it come naturally, or, not at all.
If you have a real connection. It will find its way.
In the beginning, the early dates, focus on just having a good time and getting to know each other. See if you genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
You’ll soon know if this is just a friend, or, someone more special. And, if she/he is someone special, the first kiss will eventually come very naturally.
Enjoy the Magic! ~ William, Fiona, and Charlotte
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